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September 5, 2012 by NowChangeYourLife

Poof and it was all gone. It was just aflight of fancy. I was back in Ireland, with nothing. Living in a town I hate. Alone.
I cried for 4 days and 4 nights. It was a result of a chenical imbalance. My brain was not producing serotinin. I could do nothing eckscept wait it out. I had not slapt since Tuesday. Nor eaten.


Then I heard a whisper “I love you Philip” but but I am mad, I answered. You cannot love me. “I do love you, I will always I love” she said, “Get better now…get better….”

Perhaps I was hallucinating…but no I wasn’t. I resolved not to be the victim of my neurotransmitter system. I needed help. I have two frinds in Ireland, Mick and Helena. Mick was too far away.Helena!

We had met two and a half years ago. Dated twice. Then she got an eviction notice. I fought it (she has little English). One day she phoned me…”Help” . I found her on the street with her son (aged 10) surrounded by all her worldly goods. She must come live with me. I had a spare room for Patrick, we would make do. She cooked and cleaned. It was 2 years before she could stand on her own two feet. She live 10 mins away in a beautiful house. Helena would help me!!!
I looked around my apartment. It was a rubbish  tip. Washing up piled high and smelling; counter covered with the detritus of meals half eaten.; The floor was stained, all through; my computer table was buried under papers, skins, bits if tobacco and more stains. I could not see the kitchen table. I stood up, turned off my computer, put on my glasses and over shades and walked away. To Helena’s  house.


I limped there, it was sunny but a dark rain cloud hovered of my head. I knocked on her door.

It was opened by Yannetta her 26 year old daughter, whom I had met twice. There was a little blonde sprite hoverin around. Yanetta knows no English. We sat down. I said “Tea?”  She brought me a cup of tea. The little blonde sprite was Michaela, called Misha. She was very shy.  She was 4. Yanetta asked if I wanted soup? I said no. She brought me a bowel. I wolfed it down. Patrick (aged 13) came in. His English is near perfect. We chatted about this and that. I had hears on 6music that Dr Who was on sometime this w/e. (We had watched loads of Dr. Who together. He  said its on now! We adjurned to the living room to Helenas 60 inch plasma. Dr Whooooo!!!!! We watched, it was the beginning os a new sason! It is so sophisticated e.g. The Time lords were trapped in a fissure of Imponberable Causality! What fun how British! Helena came home and I hugged her very hard.  Back to The Doctor. Yanetta wheeled a TV tray in front of me and brought me dinner. Don’t know what it was but it was delicious. Dr Who finished and I took mt meds. Without asking Yanetta got me a glass of water. It was 9pm. Helena said ” Philip bed?” I stood up. Helena said ” My bed”. I went upstirs lay on her bed and passed out.
I awoke at 7am. I had slept for 10 hours, without stirring. Helena goes to work at 5am. I was groggy but the black cloud darkening my soul had lifted. I made tea and relacksed into the bright sunny morning.About an hour later Misha woke up, shyness gone. We chatted in sign language and grunts. A bit later Yanetta got up. She said “Breakfast?” I said toast was fine. Misha and I watched TV. She came back with two fried egss sausages and white pudding and two pieces of toast. I never eat breakfast! I scoffed the lot. Misha was drssed so we wnt out into the sunshine. WE played football for 30 min. Patrick woke up, we played frootball for 2 hours in the sunshine. I was pooped but my body needed some movement, badly.

We went inside. Yanetta was doin her nails. My nails were an abomination. I gave her my right hand (I  cut my left myself, I am not a child!). I pointed to my feet. OMG my toenails were like claws!!!! Hadn’t touched them in months. She said “Garden” so I went and sat in the lovely back garden. A few minutes later she came out with a bowel of hot soapy water and said “Feet”. I soaked my feet in the bright sunshine. She brought me a cappachino. I soaked them for 15 mins, being topped up from the kettle. She handed me a towel and tookmy feet onto her knees and cut my nails!

Soaked up the sun. Felt drowsy so went up stairs for a nap. Didn’t sleep, just closed my eyes. About 30 mins later I felt a presence. I opened my eyes and there was Mishas face 2 inches from mine! Oh so beautiful!  We played. Went back and sat in the back garden. Yannetta brought lunch, burgers (hand made) and mash.

With a combination of gestures and signs I asked Yanetta if she would clean my apartment for 30 euros, pay her wednesday.  Poor kid has no money. I gave her my keys. She said when baby sleep. About 3pm Helena came home, Misha went to sleep. Yanetta left for my flat. Helena and I chatted. I made cutting motions for my hair. She said “Garden”. We went there and she cut my  hair and beard. Then she said “Inside” and she got the clippers out and trimmed my beard to almost nothing. Then “Shower” ! Took a long hot shower, with nice sudsy stuff and shampoo for brunnettes. Helena came in and scrubbed my back, gigglin like she had never see a nekkid man. lol. She towelled me dry laughin and pretendin to touch me. I pretended to be shy….hehehehe.


We sat around chattin, the sun was goin down.

We headed for my flat. It was spotless.!!!!!


I found the voice who had said she loved me……





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