September 6, 2012 by NowChangeYourLife
. He sat in front of his computer. A tsunami of sadness washed over him. He cried. Perhaps it was because he had left paradise, paradise had not rejected him. He knew he was ill, manic depressive, subject to highs, incredible highs, and lows, incredile lows. When he was low, he had feelings of worthless ness. He was nothing but a blot on the landscape. This is what a low looks .
You see, because he was in a high , he stopped taking his meds. Thinking he was better.Didn’t need them. Silly silly man. He sat and cried and cried and cried. Whenever he met someone he always tells them he is manic depressive. He Warns them. They say they understand, they don’t. They don’t understand the fragility. When high a trigger, perhaps a little thing creates a downward spiral, another trigger and he is gone. Into an emptiness where all good things disappear. An angel comes he sees the angel as a devil. He lashes out , destroying everything. Nobody can live with a manic deoressive. But manic depressives can do great things Spike milligan was manic depressive. He suffered terribly. Yet he was able to create the Goon Show, it is likely that Monty Python would never have ecksisted without his influence. I’ll look him up.
Dear dear Spike , a hero of mine. bipolar like me.
“I have got so low that I have asked to be hospitalised and for deep narcosis (sleep). I cannot stand being awake. The pain is too much… Something has happened to me, this vital spark has stopped burning – I go to a dinner table now and I don’t say a word, just sit there like a dodo. Normally I am the centre of attention, keep the conversation going – so that is depressing in itself. It’s like another person taking over, very strange. The most important thing I say is ‘good evening’ and then I go quiet..”
“They pain is too great” Suicide is out of the question. I don’t want to be hospitalised again. The last tme I turned up asking to be admitted, they thought I was drunk because I had used the alcohol clenser on my hands. It was 3am. I had got there by tacksi, it cost 50 euros all the money I had in the world. I sat in casulty crying as quiety as I could for 5 hours. I couldn’t take it so I went out and sat in the middle of the road until the police came. They took me back to casualty. Told the receptionist to do something withme. Can’t yp cryin s i loudly thenki god i am alone. 2 big burly guys came they marched e through the whole hospital, dragged me crying through a croweded hospital , it was sooooooooooooooooo humiliartring. everyone was ooking at me. anoth two hours went by. i curled up into a ball on the floor huggin myself. a psychiatrist came and took me in, gave me an injection of valium and put me to bed. gettin rea sun is omin up. gettin another toilet roll table so littered with my tears…i am unfit for human consumption. i will not go back to hodpital. i will sit and wait for the crying to stopif it das
oooooo i am sooooooounhsppy sobbin pls make it stiop